~9 months of passing times~

During my morning drive the waves of feelings emerged as the sun streamed through my window pane. Today is the 21st.  Today is the day that nine months ago my heart broke as my nephew had said to a friend. My heart broke and felt like it dropped out of my chest and numbed with stillness. Over the last nine months my heart continues to thaw. Sometimes it bursts with happiness. Sometimes I catch myself and my breath in one go as it all comes whirling back in my mind.  A loss is difficult to explain. All to easily  or simply put when asked simple questions throughout a day.  I am always holding the threads together and forever weaving and unraveling all in the same motion. Yet it is the act of continuing that I stride with.



Sharing and reflecting, this is what helps ease the process of grieving.

Life was never meant to be tread easily.

It is with each step of action that I take, I consider my blessings, and multitudes of gratitude that I can meditate on to help lift me up.

Today is a day that I have an opportunity to build upon with my future. How wondrous it is to be a given the very gift of life. I am here. Hineni. הִנֵּֽנִי

She is with me still. Two hearts became one in spirit. Love you to the moon and back Debbie, always and forever.

We Remember Them

By Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer
At the rising sun and at its going down; We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter; We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring; We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer; We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn; We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends; We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength; We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart; We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make; We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share; We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs; We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as, We remember them.


Year 5775 and 5776

The last week has brought with it a wealth of emotions. Perhaps it is because between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, my spiritual side has been reeling with what the last year has brought upon it.  As well as making amends with all that it has been dealt and has dwelled with the last year. I realized a few things about myself and life as I know it right now in no particular order: 

  1. It is completely acceptable to cry and be emotional. Allowing myself to have feelings flow through me and out is healthy and necessary at times.
  2. Communicating is important, however setting limits and boundaries is also healthy.
  3. ❤ ❤ I want the world to know how lucky I am to have the most amazing human for a sister E-V-E-R. I love you Debbie. ❤ ❤
  4. I am strong and capable of standing up when I need to be, but sometimes I do not want to and that is completely reasonable. 
  5. Not everyone has the same expectations or priorities as you.
  6. Life is complicated, at times messy, and really above all else, beautiful.
  7. The ups and downs I experience in day to day life, make up the most impactful moments of my life. 
  8. Breathe in deeply every morning before walking into what the day brings is a beautiful gift. 
  9. Forgive yourself.
  10. Bask in the glow of possibility and curiosity.
  11. Allow the changes that lie ahead to occur.
  12. Let go of your desires for control.
  13. Pursue honesty.
  14. Tell those whom I love how much they mean to me all the time, but more importantly SHOW these feelings through actions.
  15. Daily goals for a healthy mind, body, and spirit makes for a happier me.
  16. Reflect, write, and re-write.
  17. Appreciate my body and all that it can provide for me every day.
  18. Love. Remember to show love, give love to others, and above all else yourself.

18 makes לחיים.  To Life. Sparkle on.

Debbie and I