cancer support – startwithsparkles

A year in the tides of grief

December 22, 2016December 22, 2016 Rachel Ann4 Comments

One year since Deborah Leah Alvarez left this earth has meant that: 12 months, 52.1429 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600.432 minutes, 31536025.92 seconds have passed.

~Analytically speaking it means all of the information above.

~Speaking from the heart it means that all of the varying shades of the rainbow and everything in between has gathered, washed, and moved through me in this time frame.~

It has been the crashing of waves.

It is the rise and fall of the sun.

It is every first sighting of a bright shining star.

It is the moon beams slipping through cracks in my window.

It is first moments when a heart leaps for joy and falls in the realization that the one you are about to tell cannot be spoken to directly.

It is the re-learning to accept your new heart’s layer, with all its flaws and all.

It is the re-building of faith when seeking through the depths of a hallowed despair.

It is the first feelings of happiness and allowing the heart to feel joy.

It is learning that love may not be diminished by the inability of the tangible, yet transpired into the spiritual realm.

It is what Truvy said in Steel Magnolias, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”

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Death has a strange way of bringing the best and the worst out of the people it touches. I have found that through my own grief I have learned to love myself in ways I never thought possible. I have learned that forgiveness is a crucial component to my happiness. Forgiveness has taught me that I do not need to seek a right or a wrong answer, but rather seek to find a state of contentedness that I dwell with and release my tethered connection from anger in order to allow the emotions to turn into love.

Never does a day go by that I do not think of my sister or long to share something with her. She was my closest friend, mentor, and supporter. What she has bestowed upon me and continues to bestow upon all of us is the love and light she shed while here on this earth. So many wonderful humans near and far have shared their love and connection with Debbie over the past year. Connectivity was something Debbie strived for. She believed whole heartedly in the fact that humans need to seek for love, education, honor, humor, forgiveness and generosity. Thank you for connecting so many of us Debbie and continuing to do so. Your rainbow touches near and far.

Through writing I have allowed myself to find solace in words that were far too difficult to communicate in person. Thank you so much to all of Debbie’s and our friend’s, our family members, her colleagues, her admirers, her blogging friends, and her supporters over this last year.

~Like waves crashing upon a shore, rays of sunshine were beamed down upon us, with which we were able to dry our tears with each loving gesture, made by all of you.~

Thank you.

I leave you with words, as my sister would have wanted.

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For me, I leave you with a song that speaks to my heart:

May her life be a blessing: Deborah Leah Alvarez.

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Dear Debbie Vol. II

April 7, 2016 Rachel Ann6 Comments

Dear Sister,

A friend of mine who you would love as much as I do gave me a box filled with tiny cards of inspiration. I open one card each day that I need a little pick me up. They are my, “Be Happy,” cards. I appreciate them ever so much, and the woman who bestowed upon me a gift that keeps on giving.

Much like yourself sister.

Today was a magical day and also a trying one. It has been an interesting few weeks. There are so many things I wish we could discuss with one another. So many conversations that have yet to be had. I have a lot of them in my brain and then I think to myself, “Well that’s just ridiculous because I’m locking it all away, better to share, or write it down for myself and then I can reflect on it later.”

Whenever I want to talk to you I end up turning to writing. It seems to be the best and most helpful thing to do. It’s just so hard to let it all simmer. I have to make something with this tear soup, sometimes I share it, sometimes I let it boil over and form something new in my mind.

Today was a special day at Ridgewood Elementary School. You would have loved it. You always brought people together and you still do.

I parked my car, on the neighborhood street and made my way towards the school. It is such a familiar parking lot, one I have visited so many times that I cannot even begin to count how many. But this time was different. I was not nervous, I just knew that a part of me would be sad because you wouldn’t be there.

Walking up to the school made me think of the familiar sights, the familiar smells, and the familiar vibe that Ridgewood has always had.

You should have seen all of the familiar faces coming together to honor you. It was beautiful to see all the students who loved having you as their librarian all gathered there. Some of them were so tall, so grown up, so stoic, so poised, so curious, and many of them gazing and looking away. I could just see your response to their presence in your library. You would have strolled over casually and had that amazing smile across your face and then started the conversation off with, “Well, it’s nice to see you __,” then given them a kind shoulder nudge or hug to welcome them back into the friendliest space in the building.

There were a lot of memories in that library for me today.

I remember coming to shelve books during my early college days, the smell of old papers and bindings. The sound of the type writer with labels and forms being typed up. The clicking of the keyboard, and the swipe sound as the library books were checked in and out. I can see you and Diane behind the counter chattering away and laughing, fleeting visions disappeared before my eyes.

As I looked around, every corner had a different memory for me. What must Declan have felt in there too? He was busy in the window space playing a game of chess surrounded by other little fellows all concentrating on the game. All of us, so many memories, positive, happy, beautiful memories that seem tangible, yet so far away.

The desk has been moved. The stuffed animals atop the bookshelves are different and there were less faux plants than I remembered. The door to the garden was open and there were birds chirping and sun spilling in amongst the kids wandering in and out. The chess board is the same one, and it sits in pools of sunlight that break through the window.

Walking to the back of the library where your desk and piles of books used to be, I spotted a familiar sight that made me smile.

Nina was your first author friend. I remember seeing the photograph of you two when she visited Ridgewood. What a special magical day that was. You were ecstatic and beaming.

It’s funny how so many memories are intertwined into moments we shared with one another. How those moments piled up on one another for me today.

You provided me with such a strong professional educational foundation in your school. Your colleagues welcomed me with open doors to observe, learn, grow, and question as an undergraduate student. I started as a volunteer, continued my observations, and with a masters degree graduated into a substitute teacher in the building. Your principal helped provide me with the most generous half hour of my career. I had the best coaching lesson for interviews in that school. I learned to be honest about what made me a unique individual, a forthright pioneer for education, and how to answer questions in a direct manner.

Little did I know, or any of us know that our paths would cross in this way today, all of which to honor you. Your work, your passion, and your connectivity to humanity in a community that grieves for your presence.

Sweet Catherine said she could feel you in the library today. Truer words were never spoken. I could feel you too. You touched so many wonderful student’s lives and so many community members gathered today to honor you. Dad recited poetry and dedicated and a wonderful poem to you by Alice Cary:

True worth is in being, not seeming,—
In doing, each day that goes by,
Some little good—not in dreaming
Of great things to do by and by.
For whatever men say in their blindness,
And spite of the fancies of youth,

There’s nothing so kingly as kindness,
And nothing so royal as truth.
We get back our mete as we measure—
We cannot do wrong and feel right,
Nor can we give pain and gain pleasure,
For justice avenges each slight.
The air for the wing of the sparrow,
The bush for the robin and wren,
But always the path that is narrow
And straight, for the children of men.

‘Tis not in the pages of story
The heart of its ills to beguile,
Though he who makes courtship to glory
Gives all that he hath for her smile.
For when from her heights he has won her,
Alas! it is only to prove
That nothing’s so sacred as honor,
And nothing so loyal as love!

We cannot make bargains for blisses,
Nor catch them like fishes in nets;
And sometimes the thing our life misses
Helps more than the thing which it gets.
For good lieth not in pursuing,
Nor gaining of great nor of small,
But just in the doing, and doing
As we would be done by, is all.

Through envy, through malice, through hating,
Against the world, early and late.
No jot of our courage abating
Our part is to work and to wait
And slight is the sting of his trouble
Whose winnings are less than his worth.
For he who is honest is noble
Whatever his fortunes or birth.

I know that I am sending this out into the blog-a-sphere in the hopes that it reaches you. My tears wash over me and soothe my aches as I type words for you that you cannot read, but I know you would love to. Signing off with sparkles from earth, from your little sister.

Thank you to Debbie Ridpath Ohi for creating a beautiful image of Debbie. The picture to honor Debbie Alvarez will live in the library with new books displays under the art. Some beautiful new books are already in circulation.

Please check out: “Cranes of Hope,” on Facebook for more information about a beautiful nonprofit organization that a former student of Debbie’s started long ago and is continuing to blossom and grow. This student’s creations help patients going through cancer treatments gather hope each time they visit. She lovingly creates paper cranes and delivers them to locations around the greater Portland community. Her work can always benefit from positive support. ❤

Think: P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E

December 20, 2015 Rachel Ann6 Comments

“Positive,” this word’s meaning, per our friend Webster is defined as: consisting in or characterized by the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence. (or) With no possibility of doubt; clear and definite.

When my sister’s struggle with cancer began three years ago she was given a diagnosis, a surgery, and a new decade of life, all in the same moments of time. Taking on the decade of 40 was a challenging task beyond belief. She had no idea what this would all entail.

When you watch a loved one experience pain, there is no worse feeling in the world I assure you. Worse yet is being powerless to stop it all when it takes place before your eyes. It’s like a form of Chinese torture. That slow grip on your soul that just never quite releases and squeezes you without warning when the worms of cancer release.

I remember my beloved Cosby show father character once telling his daughter, “There’s a battle going on inside of you. See you’ve got the white blood cell good guys fighting for you, and then you’ve got these other bad guys and they’re just waging a war inside your body.” Sometimes I think about that moment of hearing an explanation of disease. It makes sense and is simplistic and honest.

The unpredictability of disease has not stopped her from the positivity in the world of experiencing life, living, reading, loving, educating, reaching out, traveling, dancing, laughing, being sarcastic, fighting, and questioning and exploring. She always puts the conscientious thought of love first. That’s something that I have learned from her. “Don’t shut yourself off from being open to the possibility of what someone can bring in, connect, and appreciate Rachel.” We’re doing that together. She has wonderful care right now. Each day has been a blessing of opportunity to laugh, and experience things together.

I felt the desire to write, about what in particular I was not quite sure. What is currently on my heart and mind, my sister Debbie.

I have found writing and music to be extremely therapeutic over the last 72 hours and will continue to share that with Debbie. Currently I am playing d.j. while she dozes and we are all enjoying some Schumann. Thank you for the positive thoughts and love friends. Keep the energy going. ❤ Sparkle on.

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Roxanne

November 16, 2015December 30, 2015 Rachel Ann5 Comments

When I was a young girl there was an amazing human in my life. Her name was Roxanne.

She and my mother were in a mahjong group together. If I listen carefully to my mind’s eye I can still hear the tiles as they would gently slide across the table and click slowly into place.

Four players.

Four women.

All of them bound by a unique organization called Hadassah.

The word Hadassah itself translates from the Hebrew word meaning: compassion. Which further explains the namesake of the organization that is run in Israel known as Hadassah.

With compassion I write tonight.

I thought a great deal about Roxanne this past week.

I had the opportunity to spend time with my thirteen year old niece who is a wonderful young lady. It’s crazy for me to stop and look back upon my memories with her. We met when she was six months old, a tiny sleeping baby in a crib visiting her Grandparent’s and Uncle Andy with her mother. Now she is a tall, beautiful, smart, sarcastic, and quick-witted teenager making her way in the world.

I thought of Roxanne when I drove to pick up my niece that morning.

Her small stature. Her quiet mischievous grin when I knew we were about to embark on an adventure together.

The little girl with the long brown hair and dimple that flashed with glee upon entry to her home.

She was the mother of two boys, always wishing for a girl to dote upon. She later became an amazing grandmother to a lucky little girl who I am sure felt the same way I did when spending time with this woman.

I was such a lucky girl circa at the age of six.

I so admired her immaculate persona, the air of Chanel on her person, Gucci hanging from her arms, and the red nails like slippers donned upon each finger tip.

What I loved most of all about her was how she made me feel.

They say that what people remember most about you is how you make them feel. It is ever so true friends.

She always made me feel like a talented princess. Roxanne had this special way of creating a make-believe world in her basement with me. I would dress up and march around waving my imaginary scepter, and she played along as a royal subject. Pink cheeks, singing Disney songs, and bouncing from couch to couch.

Little did she realize that along with my parents, especially my mom, they all helped set the stage for my belief in the magic of the theatre. I was a tiny star in her living room creating a world of imagination and ruling the castle one couch at a time.

I can fondly recall upon one play date when her husband came home and threw on his Groucho Marx mask and wig. I was scared out of my wits and jumped into this tiny woman’s lap. She laughed and laughed and yelled at her husband Gary to take off the mask while I squealed into her chest.

Another special event took place on a gray spring Anchorage day. Dad dropped me off and went about whatever errands he and my mom had to take care of that afternoon. I spent the day with Roxanne watching a Disney film, playing on the kitchen table while she prepped a meal for lunch. Then suddenly she looked at me and said, “Do you hear that? It’s the ice cream man!” She rushed me outside with her, she darted past the rain puddles and into a stream of sunshine. The rainbow sherbet pop wasn’t the greatest treat that day. It was the memory that became nestled into my brain instead. Now, I think of her when I see raindrops and sunlight touch, meeting again for a moment back in that afternoon sky.

Sometimes I think I can see her in a crowd. That shoulder length reddish-brown hair with the crisp blunt edges swaying just above a black turtle neck sweater and Chanel-esque cardigan.

She wrote to me at sleep away camp in 1997. I was in the grim years of my life, the early teens, the awkward age of 13. This time was marked by training bras, awaiting the time when I would finally become a woman…oh we ladies know what I am talking about…

My mom called and asked her to write because even back then, I had quite a mighty sword with my pen.

I wrote to my parents telling them how homesick I was. How alone I felt. That I had no friends and no one to talk to. This was all true the first of the three weeks of camp. I slowly fell into a rhythm and made a couple of friends. But this is a story for another blog post.

The point was that Roxanne was there when it was needed.

She even wrote me as a pen pal the first year we moved to our new lower 48 state home. I should dig out those letters sometime. I have them all still, along with all my other correspondence over the years with friends and family.

Taking my niece out for a girls date of coffee treats, mall shopping, and laughing made me ache with a desire to call my sweet Roxanne and say thank you.

Thank you for making me feel beautiful when I was an ugly duckling waiting to blossom.

Sometimes life deals you these cards that are just glaringly unfair.

I wish there was a magic eight ball of time that I could shake and go back to that place and find her and embrace her and say all that is on my mind.

However, that’s not the case. It’s not possible. As much as I wish it were.

So instead, I laughed with my niece that day, and I looked at her with love in my eyes. I hug those moments in time when we can laugh like I did with Roxanne and enjoy the simple things about being a girl. Discuss the in’s and outs of life as we pass by glittering dresses we hold up for one another and joke about trying the ridiculous attire on.

Roxanne, you made me feel beautiful. Your spirit comes forth whenever I see a rainstorm pass over and the sunshine through the clouds.

I can only hope that one day my niece might think back and say, “Aunt Rachel made me feel beautiful and loved.”

Sparkles for Roxanne.

Hong Kong a year later…

November 11, 2015November 11, 2015 Rachel Ann13 Comments

Hong Kong a year later…according to my brain as of late

“Here and there and every where.

The bustle, the travel, the hustle, the flow.

The ebb of the tide, the flow of the roll,

the glow of this city’s lights.

Entrancing, never letting go.”

A poet, I am not. I shall leave that genre of the written word to my father, however, I may tilt my pen towards the muse of rhyme from time to time…

“Reflections 365 days later…”

Life in this city was astounding, loud, noisy, enticing, invigorating, crowded, thrilling, overwhelming, amazing, and technologically fascinating.

The circumstances in which I went to Hong Kong were dire. Traveling to visit a loved one fighting the battle of a life time was so overwhelming, and humbling. I couldn’t wait to sit at my sister’s side, hold her hand, and give her hugs all…the…day…. long.

We did all of these things.

And so much more.

I provide for you a visual imagery of some of the things we saw, felt, touched, and experienced together.

Life is so precious. Remind yourself to appreciate the little moments. BREATHE, reflect, and appreciate.

Every day is a struggle, every day is a gift, every day there will be a whole bundle of tumult rolled into a package we call life.

When I arrived on Halloween, we wore matching wigs as a necessity of course. “Hi there, yes we are sisters, yessss….we are wearing wigs, thank you for staring. Good day sir.”

This view from a high rise building where I waited while she attended healing yoga for cancer patients astounded me. This is a really large city. I am jet lagged. I sat down and faced another direction because I got dizzy so quickly.

Hello peaceful turtles in Hong Kong park. 🙂 I did a little jig when I saw turtles, because I mean, TURTLES!

This is my beautiful nephew, we take selfies, yes he’s cuter than me. Shhh, don’t tell him though, it’ll go to his head. 😉 JK!

There was this waffle place, when one sees a waffle place, one stops to eat of course. He even posed for a photo patiently before digging in.

Photo session on the bus back home after synagogue. This took 3 photos to actually capture all of our heads, but I mean who was counting?! It was so much fun. Except for the part as we went to get off 2 blocks before our stop, and we waited 12 minutes because of traffic….. 🙂 thank you Hong Kong.

After a long morning of chemo, we took a walk through the park to get sunshine and matched with our smiles.

What caught my attention was the first two bold printed lines. My brain role played back as follows, “Yes, you have my attention, awesomeness, I’m interested…”

My first panorama attempt at a fancy posh-y soccer/ dare I say football field. Thank you brother in law. 🙂

I like this quote today, “Don’t find fault, find a remedy!”

I took a lot of bathroom photos. My brother in law thought this was quite strange. What can I say? I’m pretty strange…that’s an understatement.

I was really interested in this pink wig option. She didn’t feel it was an every day look though…. Beautiful salon visit to help with a wig adjustment. Loved those stylists.

Colorful and lovely back drop of the H.K. smog-city sky line.

These photos are included…just because they are funny and we were laughing. 🙂

The photo list could go on and on. I’ll reflect more later at some point. Sparkle on friends!

At the end of the tunnel

April 20, 2015 Rachel Ann2 Comments

Dear Sister,

Through them all, before, during, and afterwards there are always ways to find happiness. The light within the day that can shine bright and lift your spirits. The idea of finding happiness and joy amidst the last year and a half with cancer has been a roller coaster. None the less, you are surviving and you are here to tell the tale.

I recently watched, “The Lady in Number 6,” about the life of Alice Herz Sommer. She was undeniably inspiring but she also brought so much clarity forward for me. I feel like I am a rather cognizant person regarding my first world issues and “problems.” Watching this documentary helped remind me of the importance of finding beauty within the mundane, the archaic, and the painful. Sitting and watching her speak amidst mountains of tissues and tea I felt really grateful. I was grateful for the calmness of my couch, the ability to sit and relax, and to have a home in which I can reside comfortably. I felt really grateful for my hubby and my kitty.

I know that this experience of living with three diagnosis of cancer and being a resilient survivor has tested your will time and time again. I can only imagine how you have felt. Through meditation and prayer I say daily, I’ve focused positive energy for you. I know that it has not been easy, any step of the way, but there are some positives amidst this vast trial. These are in no particular order….merely a flurry of thinking I am sharing and sticking with a “chai,” 18 number for you. “TO LIFE, TO LIFE, L’CHAIM!”

1. Friendships: You have made and strengthened the bond with some amazing humans in H.K. I cannot say how grateful I am for these people. I love and appreciate them all.

2. Family: Even though they may be far away, we’re always with you in spirit, every step of the way. I wear something you have given me every day. I say multiple prayers and think fondly of memories throughout the day. I know that we’ll make many more this next year.

3. Declan: His love, kindness, and his forthright commentary bring wisdom and joy on a daily basis.

4. Doug: Steadfast love and true of nature, thoughtful and full of humor with the quiet tenacity to challenge you when the timing is right.

5. Mervic: Considerate, helpful, and kind. Always anticipating one’s needs along the way.

6. Mom: Your avid researching advocate and love force from birth.

7. Dad: Humor filled and articulate, sharing and pulling for you all the way.

8. Sheli: The boundless sea of energy and will, forever and always will be your caring best friend from youth.

9. Health care professionals: Even though they may be humorless and scary at times, gratitude for the consistency in putting what they can do for you first and making things work throughout this last year especially.

10. Daily appreciations for life.

11. Small details in ones day that make you smile i.e. random bugs and plants at your school. 🙂

12. Building and regaining strength. Showing gratitude towards what your body can still do and will do in the months that follow.

13. Hope for the future that is to come.

14. Amazing comic artwork drawn for a 30 day challenge!

15. Travels around Asia that would have never been experienced first hand if you hadn’t shown bravery to venture for change.

16. Challenging your creativity and wisdom with words and writing. Celebrating your work with colleagues near and far.

17. Celebrating life and finding daily celebrations in simple things: breaths to and from footsteps in and out of the door. Smiles on your student’s faces. Daily reminders that humans care for each other. Nature’s simplicity in a crazy urban hubbub of Hong Kong.

18. Finding spirituality and honoring your wisdom, your ability to learn and grow as a beautiful human regardless of circumstances that feed your daily surroundings, and ultimately love. Loving life, loving your family and friends, and loving those slow deep breaths that you can draw strength from.

In closing: I love you. You can do this, (I know that you know this), but sometimes… it’s nice to hear a cheerleader pepping it up for you! Right?! 😉 Sparkle on sister of mine, xoxoxoxoxoxo! Here’s some happy paws for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3cBdBvrkpg&feature=youtu.be

Obsessions of the 80’s and early 90’s through the present 2000’s because of you…. Day 21

February 17, 2015 Rachel AnnLeave a comment

Here is a list of inherited obsessions you originated and I carefully crafted after you:

(Well most of them that is! Thank you very much dear sister.)

The color red, it looks good on both of us, what can I say?
Lips: it started with that pink lip phone, continued onto any clothing, lipstick, purse, or shoe with a lip print. In fact I purchased lip blocked shoes in HK with you! haha!
Hedgehogs: Now THIS is your obsession alone, but I indulge and purchase items for you of any hedgehog relate-ability.
Dolphins: Another copy. “What your favorite animal Rachel?” “Dolphin!” “Why is that?” “Well….it’s my sister’s too!” (Insert giant grin here. 🙂 lol.) circa age 8-11.
Red backpacks: I owned say, 3 of them, I think there is one buried in the closet some where. Shhh, don’t tell.
Jeans: Me=bell bottoms, You=tapered leg, we both love jeans, what more can I say?!
Socks: Mom started it. End scene.
Drawing symbols after I sign my name on any letter to family or friend. I must insert the following: a heart, Star of David, music note, smiley face, flower, and sometimes a tear drop.
Stickers: see previous blog if feeling confused.
Judy Blume: Thank you mom!
Laura Ingles Wilder: Thank you mom, x3!
All of a Kind Family: Thank you mom, x4!
Noel Streatfeild: T.Y.M.!x5!
Swing dancing: copied beginning in 1998, took lessons for two years with friends at a Fred Astaire studio along with some tango and ballroom; then 1999, seeing you dance at the Crystal and Andy too, who knew?! 🙂
Thai food: thank you, I like it very much now…. Not the first time in 1995, but what can I say, crocodile tears were real with those hot pepper flakes in that soup!
Piano: TYM and Dad x6.
Driving: That was all you in 2002, thank you for being EVER so patient and teaching me. I check all three mirrors EVERY time I switch lanes and back up, 2x’s.
Portland: All you. ❤
Sign Language: I ❤ you.
Blue, turquoise, and anything boutique-y type of fabric.
Saying, “Groovy!” When I really mean cool.
Not saying,”Like, or sorry,” and paying close attention to when I slip back into previous language habits, thank you for this keen eye to detail.
Learning how to use iPads, technology, and other varieties of this nature.
Introducing me to the one and only, Sarah McLachlan.
Seeing Savage Garden as my first concert in Seattle. Trying to win tickets to it while visiting you in Vancouver with Mom and Laurie and her kiddos. 🙂
Learning how to navigate traffic on any given bridge and maintain speed. This goes along with #17. As well as knowing how to change: radio, cd, brake, gears, and air-conditioning without taking my eyes OFF of the road.
Circumnavigating the world of resumes, cover letters, and interviews with practice and an editors eye.
Being brave enough to start a blog, case in point.
Airedales: all things airedales, all the time, and bringing Ari into my life in 1994. Eternally grateful for this and my furry faced best friend for 14 years.
Anything sister related goes without saying: I love because of you!

The list could quite possibly continue on and on, however I felt that capping it was necessary for this occasion. Just know how grateful I am to you for sharing so many wonderful things over the years. I am eternally indebted to my big sister for sharing her loves in life and her love in general! Have a stellar major day! xoxo.

“Protein,” Day 14

February 5, 2015 Rachel AnnLeave a comment

Do you have a green thumb? Do you desire to grow a garden? Have you ever picked your own vegetables straight out of a garden bed, brushed them off and bitten into a freshly picked one? I have, many, many grateful times.

Growing up we had a garden. We had 6 giant raised beds in our yard, 4 huge patches of raspberries, one strawberry pot and bed, and 6 flower beds in all. Our yard was AMAZing thanks to my mom’s keen eye for horticulture and my dad’s brawn. We grew every thing imaginable, but the most successful of all were: carrots, peas, zucchini, cabbage, raspberries, cauliflower, chives, marigolds, forget-me-nots, Sitka roses, current berries, irises, ferns, and Mountain Ash trees.

In Anchorage, Alaska the soil is fertile and your crops will inevitably, well how do I put this mildly, grow to become ginormous.

We once had a cabbage that grew to be larger than the size of me grown, a grown seven year old. To this day I have never seen produce larger than that found in Anchorage. At the Alaska state fair you can feast your eyes on just about every type of vegetable imaginable and see it magnified. It’s a sight to see and enjoy if there ever was one.

Debbie and I both especially loved our sugar snap peas and raspberries. If I’m correct in my recollections….raspberries are your favorite of the berries right Debbie?! 🙂

One particular late summer afternoon we had a few colander’s full of raspberries in the kitchen. Mom taught us to rinse them out, lay out cookie sheets with paper towels and dump the berries onto the towel to dry.

Debbie and I would probably each about a quarter of the berries by the time we traipsed in the door, to the kitchen, rinsed and washed the berries and laid them out to dry. Debbie was working away, I was stuffing my cheeks with berries. Mom walked in and at that exact moment Debbie gagged. She’d been eating berries too, but she didn’t look at the last one she’d popped into her mouth. “Gahhhhhhh, cough, gulp, I think I just swallowed a bug she gasped,” between breaths. Mom looked at her dead pan and said, “Protein,” and walked away. I looked at Debbie, she looked at me, and we both looked at mom. Who proceeded to state, “Grandma Lilli always said, “A little dirt won’t hurt you, and a bug is just extra protein.”

“If you say so,” I thought to myself, but gosh I was sure glad it wasn’t me on the receiving end of: the bug in mouth line.
Who knew that we were having a life lesson in that moment in time?!

Sparkle on, and watch out for bugs. Hahaha, I know….not really funny….but it kind of is… love you! xoxo

Dear Mom, Your words have rung true when I’ve been on many a run and swallowed something as it flew into my mouth… ewww, I cringe even writing it, but ti’s true, you’re right…it’s merely….protein.

Love you Debbie! Watch out for extra protein opportunities today. Haha, I love you! 🙂

Memory Challenge Day 1

January 19, 2015October 12, 2015 Rachel Ann6 Comments

I had an epiphany the other day in a dance class. Well, most of them come during those moments when I really get in my head…

My sister is embarking on another leg of her journey this next week. I wanted to do something to help. I wish I could be there every day to hang out, help however I could, hold her hand, but H.K. is too far away. Alas and sigh….So I thought, what if I posted a daily memory in the form of a blog, for her to have something to look forward to before or after each radiation treatment? I can only imagine the difficulty she endures with every treatment.

Treatment.

Interesting word choice isn’t it? Honestly, take the base word “treat” out of it people, there’s nothing treat-like about any cancer therapy. Yes we are thankful there are options, and yes I acknowledge the importance of this next course that is impending, 30 to go and counting. However, base concept, it sucks. Without superfluous and flouncy words, it sucks. It’s like that song in Avenue Q, “It sucks to be me,” just omit the me, change be to have, and me with cancer.

If she has to be challenged physically and mentally on a daily basis to face these treatments and believe in her body’s ability to fight off the toxic cells, I can challenge myself in a positive way for both of us. Challenge the memory to focus on the positives about parts of life we have shared together. So in so many words, I’ll be posting a lot throughout the week. If you’re wondering why, this is your f.y.i.

I firmly believe in the power of positive thinking. So thinking and positivity I shall send.

My challenge to you my friends is this: what can you do to challenge yourself positively to focus on in your life? What are the things you have gratitude for? Who would you run to in this moment and never let go of if you had the strength to do so? What would you say if you allowed yourself to push away all limitations and fear? Consider this your opportunity. Seek out your truths and rid yourself of fears.

Sparkle on in your own journey.

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