Comunidad para mi hermana…

Community: 

A unified body of individuals.

The people with common interests living in a particular area. 

I am always astounded at how many beautiful people there are in the vast communities that surround my tiny nuclear family. In the last twelve days this community has exploded into a vast array of artists, writers, teachers, friends, family members, doctors, nurses, musicians, and humanitarians.

If you look for the bad in (hu)mankind expecting to find it, you surely will. -Wise words from Mr. Lincoln.

I like to think of it this way: When you look for the good in people you will surely find it… -A Rachel take

In a time of grief and loss there are no words that can absolutely console or express the feelings that reside within. Although, all I have left are words in fact. These words helped guide me through the last handful of days. The first day I sat and read words, re-read emails, searched and searched for more of her words, looked at photographs, and cried. I read and wrote and cried some more. She would have understood and so appreciated my quiet little tribute on the couch with the cat.

I wish no family member or friend to go through the grief of watching someone so full of life slip away before your eyes. And yet, even in those moments of gray clouds there were bursts of energy, twinklings of starlight that illuminated our little room. These messages, these outpourings of concern, of love, of humor, of photographs, of inspiration, of hope, and caring kindness from a community that once I thought of with fondness and now feel akin to with love.

A friend from afar shared with me a bit of ideology I shall insert here:

“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”

-Aaron Freeman.

This so eloquently embodies how I feel. I realized that what I miss most is the immediate sense of being able to share with Debbie. It felt so natural for me to email, write, text, call, Facebook message, FaceTime, Skype, JUST BUG her in general with these flutterings of ideas, jokes, blogs, story ideas, lesson plans, links, pictures, videos, DIY plans and suddenly I realized but wait….where do I send these now? Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “Oh I gotta tell Debbie that, she’d think that was so….” Dang it. Then the thought occurred to me…

I can still tell her. I can still write to her. That I shall do.

I feel a sense of energy when I fall asleep, and when I rise up each morning. I work through those moments in time when I feel like becoming moss on the silent log in the woods. I push myself as she did every day, I do not succumb to the voice in my head that says no, I turn around and scream back in response a resounding: YES.

Life is too short to not partake in the ample opportunities that surround you. Reach out to your community whomever that might be. Find those that inspire you and shed light on the joint ideologies that lift up one another.

I shall leave you with a quote from one of our favorite humans, Mr. Rogers:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

Look for the helpers my friends, be a helper, and shed love wherever you go.

❤ Sparkles for Debbie, always. ❤

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I’m feeling 32…

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My mother said that the night before I was born she had a conversation with me in the womb. She told me it was time for me to come into the world. She had stayed in bed for nearly 8 months in order to bring me forth into the world and that it was finally time. 

I generally follow directions, but I definitely march to my own drum beat still to this day thanks to my mom.

I followed the plan she laid out before me, but I arrived with a bang before my father even had time to arrive that early morning. My mother had her best friend Ann with her.   I like to think that she lives on within me, inside my heart, with my middle name and hers being the same. 

Friendships run deep in my life. Clearly from the first moment I breathed life, friends were surrounding me. 

I am a loyal human. I may kick, and I may scream my way through situations, but I will remain by your side. Much like my childhood likeness. I was the type of friend who would steadfastly watch their best friend branch out with other people and friends, but stay rock steady when they returned. I sought no comfort in constantly seeking other’s approval. I knew who I was even as a little one, and I loved my friend even from afar. I never looked at friendships as an, “end all be all per say,” but rather I cherished those whom I felt made a lasting hand print on my heart. 

The last 32 years have brought forth many recollections when I stop and consider the life that I have lead thus far. 

A few things hold true: life will always ebb and flow. It will continue to test you. No matter how prepared you might be, you can never prepare for the change that will set forth when you least expect it. 

I’ve found within the last year that spontaneity, pushing my limits, and testing my boundaries and also the human’s within my life makes my vision become clearer with this life.

We are given a gift to wake up and face each day for all that it will bring into our lives. 

I have watched those closest to me fight a battle of cancer.

I have seen love and loss.

I have experienced the unimaginable. 

I have discussed.

I have cried.

I have written. 

I have sang.

I have acted.

I have performed and put on a mask to make the smoke and mirrors reflect what they should from the stage. 

I have gotten up each day. Taken many deep breaths and washed away my sorrows through sweat and tears combined.

I have found solace in the arts.

Ultimately I have danced away carefree in those melodies and sparkling lights. 

I have worked towards relinquishing my desire to control. 

I continue to struggle with many things. 

I have found love, and shown kindness whenever possible. 

Life will always be challenging, and yet, I am anticipating what lies ahead.

The small, simple moments bring me boundless joy.

Cheers to you my blogging friends. Here, where readers and writers unite. 

I applaud all of you for sharing your quandaries and quests. May we all bring forth a flood of words to wash away our tears, and the anguish that our world is pulsing with. 

Peace, love, and sparkles is my wish on this, my 32nd birthday.

 

Sagittarius Birthday Eve…

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My husband should blog. Poem courtesy of him.  Thank you to all the amazing fellow bloggers through wordpress. It’s been wonderful to connect, write, and inspire one another. I am so grateful for this community. Sparkle on friends.

I leave you with a few of my favorite things on this 32nd birthday eve:

Hong Kong a year later…

Hong Kong a year later…according to my brain as of late

“Here and there and every where.

The bustle, the travel, the hustle, the flow.

The ebb of the tide, the flow of the roll,

the glow of this city’s lights.

Entrancing, never letting go.”

A poet, I am not. I shall leave that genre of the written word to my father, however, I may tilt my pen towards the muse of rhyme from time to time… 

“Reflections 365 days later…”

Life in this city was astounding, loud, noisy, enticing, invigorating, crowded, thrilling, overwhelming, amazing, and technologically fascinating.

The circumstances in which I went to Hong Kong were dire. Traveling to visit a loved one fighting the battle of a life time was so overwhelming, and humbling. I couldn’t wait to sit at my sister’s side, hold her hand, and give her hugs all…the…day…. long.

We did all of these things.

And so much more.

I provide for you a visual imagery of some of the things we saw, felt, touched, and experienced together.

Life is so precious. Remind yourself to appreciate the little moments. BREATHE, reflect, and appreciate.

Every day is a struggle, every day is a gift, every day there will be a whole bundle of tumult rolled into a package we call life.

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When I arrived on Halloween, we wore matching wigs as a necessity of course. “Hi there, yes we are sisters, yessss….we are wearing wigs, thank you for staring. Good day sir.”

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This view from a high rise building where I waited while she attended healing yoga for cancer patients astounded me. This is a really large city. I am jet lagged. I sat down and faced another direction because I got dizzy so quickly.

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Hello peaceful turtles in Hong Kong park. 🙂 I did a little jig when I saw turtles, because I mean, TURTLES!

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This is my beautiful nephew, we take selfies, yes he’s cuter than me. Shhh, don’t tell him though, it’ll go to his head. 😉 JK!

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There was this waffle place, when one sees a waffle place, one stops to eat of course. He even posed for a photo patiently before digging in.

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Photo session on the bus back home after synagogue. This took 3 photos to actually capture all of our heads, but I mean who was counting?!  It was so much fun. Except for the part as we went to get off 2 blocks before our stop, and we waited 12 minutes because of traffic….. 🙂 thank you Hong Kong.

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After a long morning of chemo, we took a walk through the park to get sunshine and matched with our smiles.

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What caught my attention was the first two bold printed lines. My brain role played back as follows, “Yes, you have my attention, awesomeness, I’m interested…”

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My first panorama attempt at a fancy posh-y soccer/ dare I say football field. Thank you brother in law. 🙂

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I like this quote today, “Don’t find fault, find a remedy!”

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I took a lot of bathroom photos. My brother in law thought this was quite strange. What can I say? I’m pretty strange…that’s an understatement.

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I was really interested in this pink wig option. She didn’t feel it was an every day look though…. Beautiful salon visit to help with a wig adjustment. Loved those stylists.

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Colorful and lovely back drop of the H.K. smog-city sky line.

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These photos are included…just because they are funny and we were laughing. 🙂

The photo list could go on and on. I’ll reflect more later at some point. Sparkle on friends!

The Versatile Blogger Award, Rachel’s take

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First of all, I’d like to thank the academy, “Applause…. applause, thunderous….” Ok, no but really… I would like to thank the blogging community. As a shy introverted sometimes extrovert, generally through my thinking, I have found a voice through my writing. It’s been AMAZING to connect with fellow bloggers and realize that we can support, uplift, and encourage one another through the means of clicking, reading, and responding. I love it. So thank you so much new friends for reading and sharing.

Thank you stephellaneous for being supportive and inspiring. Acknowledging one another’s thoughts and feelings has been awesome. Rock on, or should I say, write on! 🙂 Here is a little bit more about this award: https://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/about/

Seven+2 tid bits about moi:

  1. Sometimes I sing amazing concerts in the shower that can cover a vast array of genres that may or many not include: Jazz, opera, musical theatre, punk, rock and roll, pop, torch songs, standards, songs in Hebrew, Disney….It could be an embarrassingly long list.
  2. Continuing the music theme: I once won $100 cash in a karaoke contest I had no idea that I entered. I went to the restroom after a few songs passed after my last song. A woman bursts into the bathroom shouting, “ARE YOU STILL HERE?!” I left the stall and proceeded to the sink, she gulped,”OH GOOD, don’t leave cuz (wink) I think you’re gonna win!” I squinted at myself as I am doing so now in the dark of my bedroom staring into the lit screen before me. “What?” I left the bathroom and proceeded back to my friends. Sparing a few details…I beat out my husband, and I won the cash prize, who knew? I never even realized that a random Chinese restaurant in a tiny town in Oregon could make for such a profitable visit. Moral to this #2 share is: I win karaoke contests. 😉
  3. When I was a tiny kidlet I could turn the waterworks on quite well. So said my sister, she called them, “Crocodile tears.” When feeling sensitive about something, it is still my defense mechanism. I’m more like the character Rachel Greene from Friends than I care to admit. 
  4. Sometimes I stay up ALL night to finish a book. One text that was worth doing so for was, “Night,” by Elie Wiesel. Haven’t read it? Read it. 
  5. I repeat stories. I learn through stories. I love to connect through stories, and to share through my usage of empathy.
  6. I teach little people during the day, I can tap dance a bit, mainly I dance in sneakers, or bare feet most nights. I sing on the weekends, and I type a lot.
  7. I love the phrase, “Life’s too short kid, don’t sweat the small stuff.” Thanks Dad.
  8. I’ve made a concerted effort the last year to ALWAYS greet any cashier, sales rep, or customer service employee with a smile and ask them how they are doing. Sometimes I find them caught off guard, while others happily chat with me about something random. I love it. The random particulars in life, and the conversations are what make these little moments in humanity wonderful. 
  9. I do this a lot: Smile. 🙂 It makes other people wonder or consider the following: “What is she up to?”  “What’s she so smiley for?”  “Why is she smiling….Oh I bet I know!”  “Ooooh I feel like smiling too.”  “She’s got something in her teeth…should I tell her? Naw…. :-P”

I nominate/recommend checking out the following people/bloggers who are awesome. 🙂

  1. Little Calico: https://xiaohuamaobiji.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/little-steps-definingsuccess-memeespoetryparties/
  2. Meme: Memeesmusings http://memeesmusings.com
  3. Dayna: just breathe and blog:  https://justbreatheandblog.wordpress.com/about-2/
  4. Elizabeth:  The crumbs of my life https://thecrumbsofmylife.wordpress.com/why-are-you-here/who-is-this-crazy-woman/
  5. Jacob: Thats So Jacob: https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/11349179/841373138
  6. https://phoenixcrimson.wordpress.com
  7. Debbie: The Styling Librarian
  8. Tonya: http://fourthgenerationfarmgirl.com
  9. Jess: jess a dreamer: http://jessadreamer.com
  10. Views of Venus
  11. Liz: http://belovelive.com
  12. Exp10sive 3nTry:  https://howfastisasnail.wordpress.com/about/
  13. Dan: https://hurdlestohappiness.wordpress.com
  14. https://themisfitscloset.wordpress.com

תודה Thank you

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When I started my blog I got this idea and I went with it. I sat on the floor of this random house we stayed in with six other people in Whistler, Canada and I wrote. My husband was embarked on a journey to complete an Iron Man and I embarked on a journey to finally put my voice out there in the world.

I have always loved to write.

I discovered my voice through journaling and diaries at a very young age. It was not until my freshman year of college that I realized, “I really love this.” I took a creative writing course in which the objective for the term was to create entries in a giant journal that expressed ourselves as humans. We practiced amazing exercises in visualization, drawing, found objects, art that inspired us, prompts, you name it. I absolutely loved it. The reason why I even took the course was because my general studies teacher praised my metaphoric usage on some random paper. It goes to show, you never know what kind of impact you might have on another person.

Thank you to my new blogger friends:

Jessamayann: https://jessamayann.wordpress.com/2015/10/15/one-lovely-blog-award/comment-page-1/#comment-17

and Stephellaneous: https://stephellaneous.wordpress.com/2015/10/15/the-versatile-blogger-award-the-one-where-i-follow-through/

for being so kind and nominating me for the, “One Lovely Blog Award,” and “The Versatile Blogger Award.” These are my projects for the weekend friends!! Time to get crafty with words and of course, sparkles.

Muchas gracias.  Merci beaucoup.  Danke.  Grazie.

Glimpses

Over the last few days I caught a few glimpses of all sides of the spectrum when it comes to humanity. The ups and the downs. Much like the ebb and flow of the tide.

Here are some of my glimpses…

While driving to work I saw this man walking his small Shih Tzu dog. I thought, “Oh that’s a sweet moment first thing in the morning, I miss our dog…,” and then as suddenly as the thought came it shifted.  I saw the man yank the leash towards him and yell at the dog, who startled began to run away. I almost slammed on my breaks and turned the car around. I had two thoughts.

One: That is not your pet Rachel and who knows the circumstance.

Two: You’re late to work and would it really be helpful or hinder yourself to question his decision?! I still do not feel splendid about the fact that I kept driving. That’s the truth of the matter though.

Today, a patient elderly couple were purchasing their medication at the drug store. I, standing in line with my sunglasses on peered at the husband as he sauntered over to a display rack of calendars. He smiled and pointed at one for himself. His wife walked over about one minute later and said, “Alright…” while folding her receipt neatly into her wallet. The husband said, “Wait,” and ever so gently pulled her shoulders towards the calendar in front of him. “Look,” he whispered, and then proceeded to read the title of the themed calendar aloud, “Senior Moments…” and then pointed to the photograph on the cover. He chuckled, she then laughed aloud and shook her head, which was followed with a rub on his arm. When I moved up in line I looked back at the calendar. Do you know what was on the cover? A photograph of the back of two elderly individuals, clothed, with one person’s hand on the buttocks of the other, pinching it.  Let the laughs ensue… you’re welcome. Needless to say the couple kept chuckling all the way towards the door.

My best friend has been out of town for a while.  I took care of her baby cat while she was away. Ok, he is not technically a baby, but you get the gist of my idea here. Every day, faithfully we would have an hour together around 5pm. Upon entry on my last visit, said kitty, promptly ran over to the door and declared fervently, “Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.”  Then he scurried over to his food bowl and I swear, he pointed.  He was probably trying to say, “You did not give me enough food!! Do you see this bowl? I moved it a foot away searching for any left overs! THAT’S how hungry I was!”  He paced around until I refilled the bowl, then settled into happy munch and nom nom time. Later while I graded papers on the couch he sat at the opposite end.  He stopped mid-thigh clean, looked at me square in the eyes and nodded. I promise you he did. He must be a genius.  If only cats had opposable thumbs, they would rule the world I tell you!

Lastly, while reading responses sent through google docs by my students with the prompt, “Write me a letter about yourself, tell me a joke, explain something about yourself to me through writing.”  I came upon a letter to the teacher, me, that the child had written that made me laugh aloud, during a meeting.  Said child wrote, “Dear Mrs. ___, I would just like to say that you are a wonderful teacher. Thank you for answering my questions, sometimes I have a lot of them, but can you blame me?  Sometimes I get frustrated and want to just burst, you have helped me with this. Thank you.” Why, you are welcome dear one.

I leave you with this dear world, smile more, laugh with others, and always believe that there are better moments coming your way.

Sparkle on.

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Purple Hues.

Have you ever just felt really drawn to a particular color? As if the vibrancy spoke to you for some reason.

Purple has been that hue for me as of late.

I was not sure why, until now. A week ago to date I plucked a deep, sparkly, purple bottle of nail polish from my bag and decided to go for it with this dark hue with glints of radiance as my last polish of toes for the season.

Little did I realize that less than a week later the color would take on new meaning.

The beautiful soul Nathalie, whom I wrote about in my last blog passed away. I did not know that her favorite color was purple. Nor did I realize that the community from which she came would rally and support her in remembrance through this very color. Her home school, other rival schools, and many, many more high schools would soon join in solidarity by wearing purple at all of their foot ball games this evening.

Purple hues.

It seemed like a simple choice, but now I realize, there was another reason. Perhaps a cosmic draw, or an unearthly reasoning, call it what you want.

Somehow I knew.

This seems to have happened more and more lately. I’ve always believed in E.S.P. My mother and grandmother had it first. I have it with my mom and my sister, and my husband with me. I think it occurs when you are open to the connectivity that you can have with those closest to your heart. Or perhaps it is the fact that trying to ground myself through yoga and meditation is allowing me to be more open to this world, my body, and those around me.

What is your color draw right now? Is there a metaphorical meaning or a spiritual connection? Breathe deep, release, and see where it takes you.

Sparkle on friends.

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Sparkles for Nathalie

When you hear about another human who has lost their battle with this life, whom you knew or who touched your soul, it’s hard not to feel shaken to your very core.

Life’s fragile grasp upon us becomes acutely aware in moments like today. There is something to be said about stopping and really finding yourself present in the current moment that you behold.

I’m working on stopping and considering the following:  What is it about this moment that I can take pleasure in? What can I be grateful for right now?  Breathe, feel your muscles relax, center yourself within your body, and release. I’m often left feeling: Gratitude.

This young woman who lost her race against time and the curses of cancer is absolutely a fighter and always will be. She pushed, she learned, she created, and she challenged every hurdle laid out before her. Nathalie Traller will live on in her community, and the journey she set forth to succeed in. Life is not over once your physical capabilities are no longer an option.

I wrote about symbols in my last post and I feel that there is something more to be said in regards to that concept.

The next time you see a concrete pathway, take yourself on a walk, a walk to revel in the fact that you can take a walk and appreciate your legs, your lungs, and your physical being. Sidewalks, a symbol, a symbol for Nathalie and her community who walked with her this year.

Take a look up at the sky and gaze at the clouds over head. Those clouds behold something unique unto your eyes only. Take it in. Take it all in. For Nathalie, for all those who wish they could see, and for yourself.

Grasp the sense of gratitude for life’s simplicities, life’s challenges, all the aches, the pains, the joys, the smiles and the laughs.

Be gracious, be kind, and be a true human being friends.

Sparkle on. You’ll always sparkle Nathalie.

Always. ❤

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Ladybugs and Paper Cranes

These symbols with which we draw inspiration also bring us hope.

Talking tonight with my beloved sister I was drawn to the idea of symbolism and how it is the fact that reminders help us as humans to retrain our minds. We need these reminders, these symbols to push us onto that pathway of positive thinking.

It is funny how the very essence of our every choice, and being is what propels us further each day. It is these actions of THINKING or not choosing to truly engage with our core of thought that can help or harm us.

“What is in a thought, truly?”

So many tangled webs, free flowing strands, and bits of light that shine through, can  then lead us towards a pathway abound with opportunity.

I too fall prey to the web of disarrayed thoughts. When I take the time to meditate, to focus on the symbolism I choose, and the beautiful things in life, I feel myself becoming whole once again.

Working in meditation on a daily basis, is my goal for October. Take a few minutes for yourself each day, see how you feel, see where your mind and your thoughts take you.

Sparkle on friends.

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